I bet you know at least one person that whatever they do they are doing it because they feel guilty.
That person may or may not be you. Guilt is a habit, a pattern that can and will run our lives in a way that will leave us depleted, feeling like we sacrifice so much of our time, energy, and resources that eventually we may find ourselves as if living someone else’s life. It can even lead to depression and other emotions that are far from feeling happy.
I have a relative that for a long time has put herself last. For years, she was busy in doing, giving, helping, organizing, cleaning, and taking care of others around her. I’m not saying that we should not take care of others, like family and friends, co-workers and neighbors who do need our help as it is a wonderful thing to help others. Yet, when it is on our expense, it is not a healthy kind of giving and helping.
There is the healthy kind of helping others and there is the unhealthy one. And if you wish to live your everyday life in joy, fulfillment, happiness, and inner peace, we cannot operate from guilt. Every choice that we make needs to be aligned with our desire and commitment to be there.
People That Are Operating From Guilt Tend To Give Their Time, Energy, And Resources Making Them Feel Depleted, Exhausted, and Frustrated.
How do you know if you operate from guilt or not?
Here is a simple question to ask yourself: Do you feel good or not so good about helping, giving, and supporting someone else?
When you help someone else or help out a cause (with time, money, energy, etc.) how do you feel after you helped or even before you helped when you’ve just been asked to help?
Do you feel excited, enthralled, or fulfilled or do you feel depleted, exhausted, and disappointed, as if something was taken away from you (i.e. your time, money, energy, plans, etc.).
When you feel good about helping, giving, and supporting, then it means that you are on the right track. You have enough energy, money, time, resources for yourself and you are giving from a balanced place. However, when you don’t feel so good about it then there is something for you to examine here. Something that you really MUST get clear about is to live a healthy, happy, balanced, and peaceful life.
Why do we tend to put ourselves last and other first? Well, of course, it’s that guilt thing. But why do we have the need or even the addiction to guilt?
Here are a few possible reasons, which one speaks to you the most?
- We help, give and, support others because we get something out of it. We may even get a sense of importance. That we are needed. That we are somebody. The tendency to do this is for parents whose children are no longer living with them and they yearn for their closeness and attention. This tendency comes from a place of feeling a lack of fulfillment in life, a lack of sense of direction and so when someone finally needs us to be a part of their life we’re excited to be enrolled with something, but it’s not necessarily the right thing for us.
Let’s say your daughter is asking you to take care of your grandchildren. You really love them and want to help but you feel tired and you really need to rest and take care of yourself. But who else is going to help her if not you? SO you put yourself on the back burner (that includes your health and well-being) and you say “yes” to your daughter even though on that particular day you would have preferred not to spend the time with your lovely grandchildren. Guilt is operating here.
- We may have a hard time setting boundaries, like saying “no” to other people or activities. So for example, you recently had some bladder issues and you’ve learned that you need to get yourself to three Pilates classes a week because you need to strengthen the muscles in that area. But then a friend is calling you and she really needs you, or there is laundry that has been waiting to be folded for the past two days and you didn’t get to it. So instead of having your priorities in order, you tend to help the friend or stay at home and fold the laundry, skip the Pilates class and beat yourself up on top of it all or you rationalize it. The truth is that your friend or the laundry will not be there to fix your bladder issue when it gets worse. It’s only you who can help yourself, and sooner is better than later.
If you were raised with religious beliefs you will find that there are many aspect of religion that infuses guilt in us. In the last few years, I’ve made it a priority to let go of operating from guilt. I become super clear when guilt is showing up and to make conscious choices to handle it.
I was tested a few times and have battled my old demons so I don’t run my life from guilt. One time there was a big blowup with my mom. I had to choose to be loyal to myself and my own beliefs vs. letting her manipulate me. After that experience, I started to call her on her ways to “give me guilt” and manipulate me, and she is not the only person I called on. Even though the “test” was challenging it was also liberating. The truth is that we always have options; guilt is not the only one.
Operating From Guilt Will Rob You Of Your Joy, Peace, and Happiness. Free Yourself From Guilt And You’ll Step On The Road To A Joyful Life.
The first step is always becoming aware of how you are operating. When you recognize that you are operating from guilt by noticing when you said “yes” to someone or something (and it can be a chore, a program on TV, a chocolate, or having your kids friends over) and it is not aligned with what you need, stop for a moment, take a breath and ask yourself: “Is there another way to accommodate this/him/her/them while taking care of myself?"
You want to start moving yourself from the back of the picture to the front. You are the most important person in your life. If you are not taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of your child, your parent, your friend, your home, your business, or your pet. Let’s face it, you come first and it’s time to create congruency with that. It’s time to set healthy boundaries, make healthy choices, and live your life in contentment and joy. By doing that, you will contribute directly and indirectly to your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
If you are not sure where to start in letting go of guilt, you are welcome to join us on our next 21-Day from Pain To Freedom Facebook Challenge (click here) or apply for a complimentary healing consultation with me (click here) and I’ll be happy to assist you in moving away from guilt and into freedom.
Wishing you many blessings and much love and may you experience freedom, health, prosperity, happiness and love, every day you are living on this earth.
Founder of Infinite Realities International- Holistic Healing
Clinical Hypnotherapist, Master Results Coach & Forensic Healer
Sigal incorporating these modalities in her practice:
Foot & Handwriting Analysis, The Grinberg Method, Past Life Regression, Reiki, NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programing) Neurological Repatterning, Clinical Hypnotherapy, Forensic Healing and more. To learn more about Sigal and her work visit www.sigalzoldan.com
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